Played 79 times

eternal slumber to this

people seem to just be telling me not to do it but i guess im going to explain why and maybe then you will understand:

I was born in a regional town in north queensland australia, most of the population being mindless idiots, rednecks and white trash. we lived on an island off of the coast with a population of 2000, most of it old people. I had no friends growing up. when I started school, i was teased daily to the point i became fat from comfort eating. then i was homeschooled from 9 till 12. still with no friends, and when i did make a friend, they’d pretend not to know me and continue teasing me. 

We lost our house on that island and my mother slumped into a deep depression which in turn made my father suicidal. 

We moved to the mainland and i wanted to go to an actual school again. boy was that a dumb desicion. I ended up hurting myself, trying to kill myself, i made friends, lost them, i have one friend from that time whos in a similar situation as me mentally. 

I tried changing schools, going to counselling. i was even taken to the police by my father because i had such high suicidal tendencies. 

My mother had bipolar through her life and took it out a lot of me and my brother and father, i loved her so much because when she wasnt angry she was amazing. My father was the most sweetest kindhearted man you would’ve ever met.

I dropped out of school after achieving my high school certificate for year 10 because i couldnt bear to stay any longer with how shit i felt. I had friends come and go a lot which really hurt me because i had nothing consistent. i had odd jobs here and there, and then in 2009 i was halfway through an art qualification where we found out my mother was dying of lung cancer. and i was to become her fulltime carer. it destroyed my father, made my younger brother become a drug addict and weakened me considerably. 2 suicide attempts later and a lot of hard work trying to keep my family together and happy, one day in 2011 i woke up to screaming…my father had died in his sleep.

Thats when everything started to really fall apart. for the next few months I cared for my mother who was quickly declining…making sure my brother went to school, dealing with my own demons, i starved myself so my mother could have the food she wanted. 

in december 2011, she passed away, leaving me and my brother alone… in a 4 bedroom house with no money. needless to say i lived the whole of 2012 hardly eating, i had things stolen from me, i had internet ‘friends’ that stopped talking to me. my best friend stopped talking to me. 

Everything had fallen down. I met shane in early 2012 and honestly, he’s one of the only reasons i’m still alive. 

but i’ve come to realize although he loves me, i feel like more of a mother because he was abused as a child and was a wayward person looking for someone to care for him. i could literally be anyone else it doesnt have to be me.

we got kicked out of the house back there, i moved to a capital city and i’m still miserable. 

my parents deaths haunt me everynight, im scared i wont have enough money to pay my rent every week because of my brother trying to get drugs all the time. (i’m not trying to make out he’s a bad person but he’s caused a lot of financial difficulty because of his addictions)

Recently in the last few months i’ve purposely sent mean and nasty asks to friends tumblrs so they’d hate me, i’ve done it to 3 so far and my plan worked. they hate me now. 

just so they dont suffer when I’m gone

but then again, they never talked to me anymore so I doubt they would’ve noticed.

in conclusion

my life is hell

and i think after you read this, you can acknowledge my right to death.

shane found me

we are probably going to hospital at some stage but im refusing to go

i havent told him i want to kill myself

i keep getting messages but i dont know why you guys care

im just a person, a miserable selfish person. 

i’m like any other person on this site

what does it matter if i die

like i said i have no family left

in fact my grandparents would be happy i died so they dont have to leave me anything and for all who say they wouldn’t, my grandparents are the ones that tried to kill my parents off earlier they’re heartless people.

no one visits me

even when i lived near friends no one visited me

I really dont want to do this anymore im crying and its not like i just randomly made this desicion

this is months…years of planning

not just ‘i want to die’

i literally want to end my sad, pathetic, lonely, life.

im not calling an ambulance

i have enough potassium chloride tablets to kill me within the day

im so mad they’re slow release because if they were fast id be dead already

im trying to figure out if theyre worth taking or if taking a bus to the city and jumping off a high building would be better

everyone telling me not to

i’ve tried for so long

i go through this every few days

ive been to psychiatrists

ive been to psychologists

i’ve had 3 other suicide attempts all unsuccessful

even if i went to hospital and was fine for a week…even a month

i’d still end up back here

crying

feeling physical pain from my emotions

even when im on a fine day

i still cry because i miss my parents

im sick of being scared if i’ll have a home forever

im sick of feeling alone, having people only talk to me when it suits them best

the last time someone started a conversation with me was because i had sent them mean asks so they’d hate me

that plan worked

they hate me now

its great

one less person to feel a slight bit sad when i’m dead

ive been on medication

ive been to therapy

ive had the suicide watch team called on me countless times

i think its finally over though

i feel bad in some ways because its shanes birthday on the 13th and i had plans but

i guess he’ll just have to spend it with his family

my brother hardly contacts me anymore since he went back up to where we used to live

he seems happier there

for the last week ive pretty much stopped eating because i see no point in it anymore

ive been wanting to do this for years

and i think the time has finally come

  1. parapatterner replied to your post: no one knows it yet hahahahahahhaa i’ve finished…
I don’t know you so I’m not going to make any guesses about who you are, but I’m 23 years old and I haven’t had a single friend since I was 7. I know it hurts to be alone, but there are no answers in death. I do care; I don’t want you to die.

I’M ALMOST 21. I’VE HAD ONE GOOD FRIEND CONSTANT IN MY LIFE FOR 8 YEARS BUT SHE’S ALREADY BROKEN HERSELF, I THOUGHT I HAD FRIENDS HERE BUT I REALIZED A FEW MONTHS AGO THAT NO ONE HERE WOULD CARE IF I DIED IF THEY HATED ME

SO I’VE BEEN SLOWLY MAKING PEOPLE HATE ME OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS SO THAT THEY HATE ME AND IF I DIE JUST GO “HAHAHAHA WHO CARES SHE WAS A BITCH ANYWAY”

ITS NOT JUST ABOUT BEING ALONE

I HAVE NO HOUSE

NO MONEY

NO JOB

NO NOTHING

NO FAMILY

I HAVE NOTHING

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO RELIES ON ME FOR EVERYTHING BUT HE’D FUCKING GET OVER IT IF I DIED.

NO ONE CARES

NO ONE

EVEN YOU SHOULD HATE ME THEREFORE YOU WOULDNT CARE IF I DIED

ARIEL SHOULD HATE ME

RUBY HATES ME NOW GOOD SO THEY WONT GIVE A SHIT WHEN IM DEAD

KATE SHOULD HATE ME

PRIS PROBABLY HATES ME NOW

EVERYONE

SHOULD FUCKING HATE ME

hhahAHAHAH IM BLEEDING ON THE FUCKING KEYBOARD BUT WHO CARES ANYMORE

I”VE FINALLY FUCKING BROKEN

YEARS OF DEALING WITH PEOPLE PRETENDING TO BE MY FRIEND

NO ONE REMEMBERS MY BIRTHDAY

NO ONE REMEMBERS ME

MY ONLY FRIEND LEFT IS A HERMIT WHO NEVER LEAVES HER HOUSE AND I”LL NEVER SEE AGAIN

EVERYONE I EVER LOVED IS DEAD

FUCKING DEAD

I SAW MY MOTHER DIE IN FRONT OF MY EYES I FELT HER FUCKING HAND GO COLD

I FELT MY FATHERS STIFF FUCKING BODY WHEN I TRIED TO WAKE HIM UP

I TRIED SO FUCKING HARD TO KEEP GOING BUT NOW I JUST WANT EVERYBODY TO HATE ME

CMON HATE ME

IT JUST FUELS ME TO KILL MYSELF MORE

IM SICK OF GOING UP AND DOWN

IM SO SICK OF IT

SOMEONE PLEASE PLEASE PUT A BULLET THROUGH MY HEAD

no one knows it yet hahahahahahhaa

i’ve finished writing my will

I just fucked up my last friendship so that they’ll just laugh when I die

go on

everyone should laugh

EVERYONE SHOULD FUCKING LAUGH

NO ONE EVER CARED ABOUT ME

I ALWAYS BOUGHT EVERYONE ELSE PRESENTS ALWAYS MADE THEM FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES

NO ONE CARED ABOUT ME

NO ONE

NO ONE GAVE TWO SHITS WHEN MY PARENTS DIED

NO ONE EVER ASKS HOW I AM

STARTS UP CONVERSATION

FUCK IM STARTING TO QUESTION WHETHER I HAD ANY FRIENDS TO START WITH

IM BREAKING DOWN

IM OVER IT

I JUST WANT TO DIE

I’VE CUT MY WRISTS TILL THE SCAR TISSUE WONT BLEED ANYMORE AND ITS STILL NOT ENOUGH

I HAVE NOTHING ANYMORE

NOTHING

IM A SHELL OF A HUMAN BEING IM BROKEN

ALL I OBSESS ABOUT IS HURTING PEOPLE SO THEY LEAVE ME ALONE. 

JUST

SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY

im leaving my blog blank. because I’ll be dead soon, I’m making everyone hate me so they dont give a shit if i die.

i’m sorry everyone

Played 5,371 times

Breaking news here. We don’t yet know what Pokemon Fennekin evolves into or what type combination that Pokemon will be, but Nintendo Japan has just revealed the cry of what is already becoming a fan favourite.

(Source: omarnorthtower)

(Reblogged from aprilfoolromance-deactivated201)